


My Favorite Disaster

by wintersunofdoom



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Geraskier, Jaskier | Dandelion Has Feelings, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Lambert Swears (The Witcher), M/M, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Sex, Soft Vesemir (The Witcher), Sweet Eskel (The Witcher)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25579912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersunofdoom/pseuds/wintersunofdoom
Summary: Geralt and Jaskier pretend to be a couple, in order to mess with Eskel and Lambert who won't stop teasing them. Of course, there are consequences.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 9
Kudos: 316





	My Favorite Disaster

Lambert and Eskel shipping Geralt and Jaskier and being total shits about it. They tease Geralt nonstop, calling Jaskier his lover, whistling at them when they’re together. Jaskier finds it funny at first, but it gets tiring really quickly, especially when he realizes how uncomfortable Geralt feels with the whole situation.

So Jaskier approaches Geralt with an idea. “Want to make them feel uncomfortable?”. Geralt replies with a curious “Hmm”.

The next morning, when Eskel and Lambert are walking down the hall to get breakfast, they pass by Jaskier’s room. They stop dead in their tracks when they hear the sound of a bed creaking. Then something pounding against the wall. Panting and then the bard’s voice screaming “OH GERALT, YES! HARDER!”

The two Witchers stare at each other in horror and almost sprint away from the door. Behind Jaskier’s bedroom door, Geralt and Jaskier continue to jump on the bed in their socks and pound the wall with their fists, before collapsing onto the floor in a pit of giggles.

Afterwards, they make their way downstairs to the kitchen, enjoying the awkward stares that the Witchers give them. Geralt sits across the table and Jaskier casually plops himself onto Geralt’s lap. Eskel almost chokes on his food and Lambert probably doesn’t realize that he’s gaping. Jaskier smiles at them sweetly. “Good morning. Sleep well? I sure know I did”. Eskel and Lambert blink at them.

“What the fuck?”

“Is there a problem?”

“Why are you sitting in his lap?”

Geralt tilts his head to the side, blinking innocently. “What do you mean? We’re together. You know that”.

“You’re not tog-”

“We are”.

With that Jaskier leans in to kiss Geralt’s cheek. Eskel and Lambert finish their breakfast quickly and storm off to the yard. As soon as they’re gone, Jaskier stands up from Geralt’s lap, wiping away tears of laughter. “Did you see LAMBERT’S FACE!? Oh goDS-”. Geralt is laughing silently himself, covering his face with his hand. “I hate to say this, but you’re a genius”.

They continue their little spectacle for the next few days. Pecking each other’s noses when they know that the other Witchers can see them, calling each other ridiculous pet names like “kitten” and “buttercup”, being over clingy and touchy in front of Eskel and Lambert.

They enjoy the shocked reaction they get from Eskel. And when Lambert starts to get angry, they can barely contain their laughter. Geralt notices that Vesemir sees them too a couple of times and that his only reaction was a raised eyebrow and a genuine smile.

Lambert loses his temper on the fourth day, slamming his fist hard on the table. The others pause their conversation, staring at him with wide eyes. Jaskier is sitting in Geralt’s lap, both arms loosely wrapped around the Witcher’s neck. “Lambert? Everything alright?”

“Shut up. I know you two fucks are messing with us. Cut the act”.

“What act?” Geralt asks calmly.

“Oh, so we’re gonna continue with this? Fine. We can play this, too. If you two morons are really together, then show us a kiss. C'mon”.

Jaskier frowns. “I don’t own you anything”.

“A simple kiss. Between two lovers. What? Feels bad to get caught in your own bullshit? C'mon. I’m waiting”.

Jaskier shifts uncomfortably in Geralt’s lap, suddenly aware of all the places they’re touching at. He’s about to get up from the Witcher’s lap and apologize, when he feels thick fingers tangling themselves in the hair on the back of his head. Geralt gently turns Jaskier's head and stares at him softly. Jaskier blinks as Geralt slowly leans in. Jaskier lets his eyes fall shut and closes the remaining distance between them. The kiss is light, barely a brush of lips to lips. Their stay like that for a moment too long, before slowly pulling away.

Lambert rolls his eyes. “Still not convinced”.

The rest of the evening is pretty damn awkward. Eskel tries to maintain a conversation, but fails. Eventually, Jaskier excuses himself for the night, standing up from Geralt’s lap and walking out of the room. Geralt gets up and follows him silently after a few seconds.

Jaskier is already at the door of his bedroom when he hears the white-haired Witcher calling his name softly. Jaskier turns around to see Geralt standing almost too close to him. Jaskier smiles at him. “Phew. That was close, huh?”

Geralt frowns. “I’m sorry”.

“Oh, please, don’t. It’s okay. Lambert’s a jerk, I didn’t know what to do myself. You did nothing wrong”.

“Hmm. I’m not talking about that”.

Geralt takes a step closer, placing both hands on Jaskier’s cheeks. Jaskier’s breath hitches in his throat.

Geralt leans in, his lips mere inches away from Jaskier’s. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean our first kiss to happen like that. Let me fix it”. He kisses Jaskier again, this time fully on the lips. Jaskier presses himself against him, burying his hands in Geralt’s hair. They stumble into Jaskier’s bedroom, never breaking the kiss and kicking the door shut behind them.

****

They tell the truth to Lambert and Eskel the next morning. They also tell them that now they are actually together. Eskel smiles and congratulates them.

Lambert growls. “Oh, this is still one of your stupid jokes. I’m sure of it”.

****

Geralt has Jaskier pressed into the bed underneath them. They both lost their shirts somewhere on the way from the door to the bed.

Geralt kisses Jaskier’s neck, running his tongue against the sensitive skin. Jaskier pants under him, tugging at his hair lightly. “Gods, you’re so gorgeous, it should be illegal”.

Geralt laughs into his neck, pressing feather light kisses to Jaskier’s jaw. “Beautiful”.

Geralt’s about to say something else, when the door flings open and Lambert storms in.

“A-HA! I KNEW YOU WEREN’T REALLY HAVIN- oh. Oops. Eh… Huh. I mean, sorry”.

“WHAT THE FUCK LAMBERT, GET THE FUCK OUT-”

“Hey, don’t yell at me you fuc-”

“OUT”.

“Right, sorry. Um. Bye”. Lambert walks out, closing the door behind himself.

Geralt turns his head to Jaskier, who’s laughing under him, breathless and wiping tears. Geralt smiles down at him fondly. “Sorry for that. Should’ve known that bringing you to Kaer Morhen would be a disaster”.

Jaskier stops laughing, smiling at Geralt sweetly. He hums quietly, running his fingertips over Geralt’s bicep. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t exactly call it a disaster”.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks you so much for reading! Kudos and comments mean the world to me <3 I'm darkverrmin on tumblr, come say hi~


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